There's peanut butter in my deltoid.

Current Theme Song (aka what's playing on my ipod right now): Someone to Save You by OneRepublic

I didn't put up a post for Memorial Day yesterday because I couldn't find the words adequate enough to express how I feel about the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our freedom. We will forever indebted to you, and I would have rather put up a post of silence than one ignoring them altogether.

But I have a new story for you today that will hopefully have you crack a smile.

First, I have to tell you some exciting news so that this will all make sense (and give you a prep to know where I will be for two weeks) :D Ready? I'M GOING TO THAILAND FOR TWO WEEKS ON A HUMANITARIAN AID TRIP!!!!! Seriously, I could not be more stoked than I am right now. And this news is about the only thing that could get me to the doctor's to get my shots I need for the trip.

Let me explain (it's like those matching questions in English on the SATs). :)
I am to shots as:
-Superman is to Kryptonite
-Batman is to bats***
-Indiana Jones is to snakes***
-All of the above
(the last two are especially appropriate, though you will receive full credit for answering any of them)

I was prepared. I made the call myself. I was like "Yes Heather, I can confront my fears! Those needles should be afraid of me!" *shudder*

I even went and got my immunization history so I knew what I would need (or more appropriately, what I would not need. Yes, paranioa has its place in the world) :)

But last night (and all this morning too, by the way), I was hyperventilating, pep talking myself into going. My mom was on hand, I'm sure putting her head in her hand and sighing. Yes, I am well over 18 and fully capable of driving myself to the doctor's - but I wouldn't. I absolutely refused (and consequently begged) not to go alone. So there my wonderful mother was, ready to take me to get my shots. Actually, about the only thing that got me in there was the knowledge that getting these shots was much better than contracting malaria, or dengue fever (I actually laughed when they said I could get that. I should have been terrified, but all I could think of was George of the Jungle).

So there I was, practicing my yoga breathing like no other (fill the stomach, let it rise into your chest and fill your lungs completely, and then let it back out slowly. Breathe. Repeat. Thinking of Enya and butterflies while doing this helps, by the way). ;)

The first part wasn't so bad. The wonderful lady sat me down (with my mother) and talked about the country. Number One Rule seemed to be: DON'T DRINK THE WATER. Second was avoid animals scratches and bites (who wouldn't?!) so we don't contract rabies. We wouldn't want that, now would we? (no, no we wouldn't). *nodding head vigorously* Third big one: avoid mosquitoes. They'll carry just about every disease you've heard of in your nightmares. Think Jumanji. Gotcha. No problemo.

Then came the shots.

I flipped.

Before, I had glanced at my immunization sheet and saw my last set of shots was in 2002. Internally, the conversation went like this:
[Me]: No flipping way! I HAD to have had shots since then! Who wrote this?
[Me]: Calm down. You were just traumatized as a child. Do you remember that nurse who had to put the same shot in three times?
[Me]: I know! Wait, where's the tetanus shot? I stepped on a nail in eighth grade, right? Where's that shot!? *looking frantically*
[Me]: That would put it in 2002, like it says on the paper. Calm down.
[Other Me *hyperventilating*]: I can't calm down! I hate shots!
[Me]: Well, too bad. Here it comes.

To be honest, my lady friend was incredible. She had my three shots poked and inside me in under thirty seconds. She stuck them in right after another, before I even had a chance to react. She was fast. And now she's my new best friend. But I was still there, my mom had to put her arms around me to keep me from squirming. Yes, squirming. Screaming, no. Hyperventilation? Mild.

They say to exercise your arms to make it go away faster, but how can I when it feels like a glob on peanut butter is stuck under both of my deltoids? (another reason I really hate shots. It's the gift that keeps on giving).

Oh, and one last funny thing. I react very strongly to drugs. Like, a baby Tylenol will probably sedate me quite happily for hours. I won't even mention the story when I got my wisdom teeth out. Me and narcotics? Not good friends. Wow loopy dreams. So when the nurse said that one of the shots would make me drowsy, that means "you'll blink a lot" for most people. For me, it means passing out cold for a couple hours. Which I did happily.

There's still peanut butter there, but it should go away soon. :) Yay Thailand! Here I come!


Unknown said...

Should I mention the time I got mono, and the nurse took twelve tries to take my blood sample?

Or the time I donated blood and the nurse forgot to tape it down, and the needle shot up into the air and the blood squirted every where and I came out looking like I was in a horror film?


OK, I won't mention that then ;)

Heather Zundel said...

*Blanch* Oh gosh. Please tell me that did not really happen. I think I might pass out just thinking about it. You're horrible Beth.

Unknown said...

Oh yeah.

I have abnormally small and hard veins. I've gotten to the point where I tell the nurses to just punch me in the arm with the needle :)

Vivian Mahoney said...

Shots are no fun. But, now you're ready for travel, adventure, awareness and fun! How wonderful to be part of a wonderful mission. Congrats!!

Heather Zundel said...

Beth! You can't tell me this stuff! I'm in the corner, huddling. I have huge veins and I can see them and I'm still a baby. You poor thing.

And Vivian, yes! I am totally ready. I leave next Saturday. I'm so excited. I really can't wait to get there to help as much as I can. Thank you for the well wishes!